How to be popular in high school

By Chloe Senatore ‘17

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Listen, everyone wants to be popular in high school: it should honestly be everybody’s top priority. Unfortunately, only a select few students of specific qualities get to actually be popular: they’re probably not even a full ten percent of the school. Being popular does, in fact, require a certain appeal: not everyone fits the bill. But don’t worry! I’m here to tell you that even someone who wasn’t popular in middle school is fully capable of becoming so in high school, (which is a more crucial time to be popular because there’s obviously nothing else so stress about). So fear not, O, unpopular ones: your time of living in the unimportant shadows can be over if you simply follow these guidelines!

First, I want you to imagine yourself as a person. Think about who you are and your personality as a whole. Now dump all of that genuine personality crap into the unpopular garbage can. In order to be popular , you should most likely be nothing like yourself;–not genuine usually ever. Ignore your parents telling you to ‘just be yourself’ because that won’t bring you happiness: being popular will.

Great! Now that you’ve forgotten your actual personality, it’s time to create a new one. First rule to follow: be as fake as you possibly can, (especially in person because it’s behind people’s backs. You actually get to talk bad about them). Even if you don’t like some people, hate their guts even, if you wish to be popular, you must act like they’re your best friends when you interact with them in person. Though, of course, talking badly about people behind their backs is perfectly acceptable.

Two more things that really help;–being athletic and making friends with other popular people. Being athletic isn’t always crucial to being popular, but it does make the next step much easier. As you may have anticipated, football is the preferable sport to participate in because it’s obviously the most important one.

But being athletic alone doesn’t always guarantee immediate popularity; it just makes it easier to be friends with other popular people. If you have friends that aren’t necessarily popular, then they must be dropped immediately. Those genuine friends are only bringing you down. Having fake friends that bring up your status quo are much more essential to your overall happiness.

Well, here you go: if you follow these simple guidelines, being popular will be a breeze. For the next four years, you can actually be an important person! Of course, this won’t carry over into college because at that point no one really cares anyway!